At 29 years single, you might wonder “what does she know anything about love?” Being single all my life, I’m constantly fed the message that I might be a walking red flag. How am I supposed to be in a ‘successful’ relationship if I’ve had no practice falling in love and sharing my life with someone? How am I supposed to be prepared for marriage when I have zero experience? But falling in love isn’t like applying for a job. Although, in my experience maybe it is just a little like that.

My entire career I have endorsed transferrable skills and have relied on them with every new position. The job market would make us think that we never have enough experience for the positions we want. That entry level requires 5-10 years of experience and at least two degrees. I’ve gained enough relative experience in my career to help me move ahead. However, there are also many times that I’ve been asked to do things that I’ve had to learn from the ground up. I recruited at a school I never attended myself and supervised students I was barely a few years older than. But I had experience giving tours and recruiting as a student, and I was eager to learn everything I could. I advised an organization in graduate school and helped them facilitate processes and procedures and their own recruitment when I had zero first hand experience with the greek life community. But I did have experience working with students and everything I was required to do was teachable. I currently work at an institution I knew little about prior to applying and work with student populations I hadn’t worked with previously. But I did have loads of advising experience, multitasking abilities, am passionate about the work I do, and am a quick learner. I’ve started a blog and written poetry without any degree that says I’m capable of doing this. And yet I have something to say and am doing it anyways. Not everything you do in life requires a specific set of experiences. So maybe I can relate that to my love life. I don’t need to be in multiple long term relationships in order to find love. I don’t need to go on a million dates to figure out what I want, who I am, and what I’m looking for. I don’t need direct and correlated experience in order to have a successful relationship. Or at least this is my hope. Everything I have learned thus far through friendships, family, and generally just growing up, is completely transferrable. And none of this makes me a walking red flag. Quite the opposite actually.

Our society puts romantic love on a pedestal. Like it’s this thing to be acquired and if you don’t get it then somehow you are missing out. But love is so much more than romance. Love is found all around us, in both big and small ways. Love is found in family, friendships, ourselves, the beauty around us, the strangers we meet along the way, the actions we give and receive. It’s not just found in marriage and partnership, although a lot can be found there, as well. But romantic love isn’t top tier love. You don’t have to feel like you are missing out on some all encompassing love; that you haven’t loved until you experienced ‘this’ kind of love. Sure, that may still happen. But you also don’t have to wait to experience even a taste of it. Am I holding out for this dream of a romance where I’m so in love I can’t even stand it? Sure. What hopeless romantic wouldn’t? But I also haven’t let that stop me from romanticizing every other part of my life. Is it harder some days than others? Absolutely. And yet, on the days like today when I can reflect on it, are the days that it brings me the most peace and joy. So what have I learned about love without falling in love romantically?

Love is being introduced as their best friend without realizing that was your title. Love is a story or fact remembered and shared that you didn’t even remember telling them. Love is showing up without even being asked. Love is witnessing and sharing the best day of their life. Love is being present and listening as tears brim and overflow. Love is asking what you need. Love is sitting in silence comfortably. Love is supporting even your wildest dreams. Love is a message or gesture saying “just thinking of you” or “this made me think of you.” Love is planning out time to catch up, even if it’s been years; even if it’s not for a few months. Love is affirmations said to the mirror until you believe them. Love is sharing in the things you both enjoy. Love is pushing you when you need it most, even if it’s the last thing you want. Love is boring and exciting all at once. Love shows up for you every day. Love is sharing even the smallest details. Love challenges you in the places you might be the most blind to. Love makes fun of you in the most loving way. Love allows you to be you. Love says “I love you” without uttering a single word. Love picks up every time you call. Love cries with you, laughs with you, yells with you, takes pride and joy with you, grieves with you. Love remembers. Love heals. Love is hope. Love is grief. Love is vulnerable. Love stays. Love is adventure. Love is heartache. Love rejoices. Love is with you always.