In a few short months I will have accomplished a new feat in my family. I can (almost) confidently say that I will be the first in my family, or at least first woman in my family, to not be married, or even in a relationship, by the time I turn 30. What an accomplishment!

Now, I’m grateful that in today’s society, this isn’t that remarkable. However, it does feel a little weird to say that I’ve been almost 30 years single at this point in my life. Not something my teenage or early to mid-20 year old self would have thought. And I consistently work on believing that this does not in fact make me a walking red flag.

I’ve never been afraid to turn 30. It’s been something I’ve looked forward to for awhile. It always seemed like this dreamy age to me. I think I usually looked at my 30s how most would look at their 20s. My 20s haven’t been terrible, although they have been challenging. But looking back, I mostly see a ton of personal growth that I am immensely proud of.

As of late, the one thing that I have noticed as the biggest shift in perspective for me is my relationship with being single. Being single has been a large part of my identity for most of my adult life. While there were times I didn’t always focus on it, I did always find myself back to thinking about my life being single and if I would ever find myself in a relationship or if I was doing something wrong.

When I was 28, I continued to romanticize my life. I’m not sure this will ever leave my mindset completely, but in 2023 my word of the year was love, so it makes sense. However, I think what 29 has mostly taught me is that I don’t need to put so much weight and power into my identity as a single person. Sure, it has shaped me in a lot of ways, but it doesn’t need to define me. I have worked really hard in my life to get to where I am today. I’ve done a lot of inner work, I have worked to lean on others (but not too much), I have learned to live alone and do things for myself and take myself out on dates, I have learned to not stop living my life just because I haven’t found a partner to do it with yet. And all of this I have been really proud of along the way.

I know that once I get in a relationship, my life will change in many ways and for many reasons. I know that I will miss parts of my single life. And yet that doesn’t make the waiting any easier. The biggest change I have noticed this last year is that while it still hurts at times to be single, I also put less emphasis on it. Now, is part of that because I’m tired of putting in the work? Maybe. But what if it is also just because I’m learning to trust the process and God’s timing in my life?

My life is completely whole without a partner. And yet I can’t wait for it to become that much better with another person once I fall in love. I still love love. I still hope for and dream of the day I get married. I still grieve this thing I never had. And yet I also know that I will be ok if it doesn’t happen. We are in one of the most romantic times of the year, and yet watching and reading about love doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. Watching and celebrating my friends love stories isn’t as bittersweet as it once was; it’s just sweet and I’m full of pride.

Do I still want to fall in love and does my hopeless romantic, rom-com side of me think I will meet someone when I travel to Europe in March? Oh absolutely! I can’t completely get rid of that part of myself. And I don’t think I want to anymore. My friends tell me that all of this means I’m destined to fall in love any day now. That this is the trope of “it happens when you least expect it” or “it happens when you aren’t looking for it.” But I think I’m just trying to be content with my current situation and learn to love all other parts of my life. I’m learning to own my experiences and not be ashamed of them.

Do I wish that I had already had my first kiss, first relationship, and experienced the joy and sorrow of falling in love? Of course I do. I feel very behind in that part of my life. But I’ve also experienced love and relationships in so many other parts of my life and have had the opportunity to explore so many things over the years that it’s hard not to be grateful for the time I have had.

Tomorrow may be different. I might cry because I think it will never happen for me or worry that it will take another 5 or 10 years before I meet “the one” if it happens at all. But that’s an unknown and of course we have bad days. Today, though, I am feeling confident in my singleness and in the hope and faith that one day it will happen, so I’m capitalizing on that for as long as I can.

Ten years ago I would have believed you if you told me I’d be grateful for my singlehood, but I also would have been annoyed and not wanted to listen. Today, I still anxiously await the day I get married, and yet I am also very aware of the fact that I couldn’t have imagined my life any other way up until that day comes. I’m becoming confident in my singleness and realizing that I am so much more than my relationship status. And that is the kind of energy I plan to take with me into my 30s.